Thursday, May 7, 2009


I'm jealous of those people who know exactly what they want to do in college and beyond. I'm jealous of those people who seem to have their own cult followings, solely based on their own ingenuity and awesomeness. I'm jealous of those people who get to see the world that they don't deserve to see. The question of what I'm going to do for college has burst upon me again and although I have altered my plans, I am still incredibly unsure. Why do I have to choose now? I don't get why I can't do my senior year and then calmly sort through my options. No. There are time limits in the real world, there is stress, there is competition, there is bullshit. Welcome, welcome to the marvelous planet we call home!

I'm thinking about art school, yet that nagging voice in the back of my head says, "You can't do anything with that. What sort of job will you get then? You'll be broke. You'll be sick of doing art." What IS my main goal then? I'm tired of school. So tired. I don't want to learn math or science or history anymore. I don't want to know the laws of physics, thermodynamics, geometric series, logarithms or cofunctions! I want to just have a relaxing college experience where I get to have fun. A complete joke, right? I'd rather be out there as a job waitressing for the rest of my life than have to go to college just to delve further into history and dumb bullshit that I'll forget in two months anyways.

The problem with decisions pertaining to my future is that I have so many options. I could write, I could interprete, I could do something monotonous like accounting...I could travel and teach English to South American countries, I could by a psychologist, or I could just paint and hope to make a living on the side. The latter sounds like the best option at the moment.

I read in a Reader's Digest magazine the other day that this one woman pushed her children to march for their very first option when it came to a career, no matter how ridiculous it may have seemed. My mother however, seems to claim that I'll have a lousy life and job no matter where I go or what I do. How encouraging she is! My sister on the other hand tells me that her experience at Western was boring and that art school sounds fun. I'm trying to figure out if I'm going to be living out HER dream, or if I'm going to be pursuing my own. At the moment, I am clueless. I've been waiting for something to come and hit me in the face, but I doubt that's going to happen.

Well. I guess art school is my top choice. Next month, it may be something else. *sigh*

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